Forgive yourself

Have you ever hurt someone and then you later wished that you never did that. That you never had that long conversation, and the whole point that you were trying to make is actually based on the horribly ridiculous ego that you have. It’s only when you end up with a huge mess that is when you realize that this is what you had feared the most. The whole picture of arguing with the other person flashes in your eyes like a flashback with all the effects and thunders and you feel like your brains are about to explode for working so much. You wait for that one opportunity to restart that conversation and hope this time you will end up on the winning side. But when you have already done that it’s only then that you realize that winning isn’t exactly what you need. Sometimes losing the battle, surrendering, subduing to your so called enemy is far better than seeing tears in your enemy’s eyes. Knowing that you are capable of accepting defeat which your enemy isn’t and there was a day that you loved your enemy more than how much you hate your friends now.

Your search for that one person has resulted in a disastrous calamity. The whole world seems to be so much full of maya and everything you look upon seems to be fake. The guitar that you played doesn’t quite seem to be in tune no matter how much you tune it, the bike that you ride lacks the adrenaline kick that it had, the sun gleaming down the tree’s lack the silver that it used to sprinkle the other day. The cool breeze seems to be poisonous, the water dangerous mercury. Food turns into ash in your mouth, money can no longer buy you happiness; women can no longer satisfy you.

You know you have your weaknesses; you know that you are exposed. You know that you are being tampered with; you know you are being betrayed. You know where the boundary ends but you keep pushing on. You question your own judgments, you wish you get through. Your gun is always backfiring, your knife is dull too. You wish you can show you true colors but you know they are dark and blue.

How do you rebuild the trust that you shared? How do you hide your darker twin? You may be happy to lose to someone you don’t know but how can you lose to the person residing inside you? Do you know how difficult it is to defeat yourself? The anger for the other person may go but how do you cool the anger for yourself?? You may sense the fear in the enemy’s eyes but can you hide your fear from yourself? You may forgive the other person but how do you forgive yourself?

How do you forgive yourself?




I understand that there are some problems

And I am not too blind to know

All the pain you kept inside you

Even though you might not show


If I can't apologize for being wrong

Then it?s just a shame on me

I?ll be the reason for your pain

And you can put the blame on me